Birthday

By | May 23, 2008

It was my birthday on Monday. At my request M bought me a facial at the local spa. I’ve been wincing as I’ve looked in the mirror recently. Sure enough, Eva, the Polish facialist, confirmed my worst suspicions. In clipped authoritative tones and clutching her clipboard she diagnosed me with dry VERY sensitive skin.

“37 Sarah. You are 37. You are no longer a teenager. See here where the wrinkles are forming around your eyes? This is because you are losing collagen. You need lots of collagen. What cosmetics are using? You must go home and throw out everything that is not for sensitive skin. No more tea. No more spicy food. Just tell yourself “I do not like spicy food” and then you will not eat any more spicy food. Now, you need these three creams. Just three no more. This is the eye cream, I will show you how to apply it. This is your day cream and this is your night. They are expensive. Very expensive, but there is so much damage here, you must do something about it. We can fix this, but you must be committed. I can give you a facial here today and it will give you a temporary lift, but this is no good. You must change your routine. Every morning, every evening, cleanse, tone, eye cream and face cream. Just do it and soon you will not think about it. You don’t think about going to the toilet? You just do it. Right?”

[I did want to say at this point that actually going to the toilet is not straightforward at all with the kids banging on the door and frankly involves a deepening commitment to my persecution complex but anyway]

Instead I say “Ok, ok, ok, ok, yes, new routine. Definitely. Time for drastic action. Commitment. For sure. Should I get another facial soon? Three weeks. Good. Ok. I will be a good girl. New skin on the way. How much? [EEEEEEEEK!] ok. No problem. See you soon.

I think they are working already.

And yes I KNOW I read all the surveys that said cheap creams are just as good as expensive ones. Too late. I am a compliant client.

9 thoughts on “Birthday

  1. pete

    Nothing ages someone like listening to them complaining about how old they look.
    On the other hand, I only complain about how old I feel. Are chronic fatigue and sore joints normal at 42?

  2. Sarah Post author

    Pete, try cod liver oil. A big dose every day. (mix with orange juice). It’ll take 6 months but my mother swears by it. That’s for the joints.
    For the chronic fatigue. Try going to bed at 10pm. It feels sad, but honestly, the extra sleep is worth it. M falls asleep on the couch clutching the remote. Its not good.

  3. pete

    Thanks for the advice Sarah. I’ve been taking cod liver oil since I was about 15 (I was a big, active lad and wore my knee cartilage out early), and it is great. But it doesn’t seem to be doing the trick any more.

    Go to bed at 10pm? That’s the middle of the working day! There’s loads of vacuming, dish-washing and wife-placating to be done between then and midnight.

  4. Sarah Post author

    Oh dear. Then here’s what you do…

    Wait. This too will pass.

    The child will grow up and things will get easier.

  5. Alison

    You should trty an Eve Lom facial. The only place I know that offers it is Therapie (beside the passport office). It’s so thorough, it’s almost surgical. Ask for the South African girl. You will never look back!

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