Thought for the day

By | June 28, 2006

I just had a little flash this morning…now don’t get a fright. But for a second, it occured to me, that maybe, JUST maybe, John Waters has a point, and the white male gets a hard time these days. MAYBE, MAYBE, you guys are not soooooooooo very bad…

 

21 thoughts on “Thought for the day

  1. Leon

    still nothing about the vulnerable serving girl…
    sigh

  2. Sarah Post author

    For Leon,

    “She woke, knowing instantly he was in the room. Bridget, the frail and humble servant girl, shut her eyes tightly and turned into the pillow. Perhaps if he thought she was asleep he might restrain himself that night. But no. Nothing would stop him. That lumbering lustful oaf. Soon the stink of that cologne he thought fashionable would overpower her senses a surely as he would overpower her. His sweaty hands groped her budding breasts and pawed at her smooth white skin, the skin she had hoped would be pawed at by Sean, the handsome stable hand, who though poor, had a nobility this squire would never possess, despite his money, money only made because of the land stolen by the colonial oppressors while a proud people were weighed low by hunger and poverty. He grabbed her legs and she struggled briefly, pleading quietly with him. “Shut up” he whispered angrily and hoarsely into her ear, now sopping from his spittle. She surrendered and let him continue, sobbing silently, though the pain of his unwelcome invasion seared through her. Mercifully, it was brief and soon she was alone again. She could feel her heart break as she wept bitter tears. If only she could go home. But how? Another mouth to feed and her 8 younger siblings relying on the 2 shillings she sent home monthly. And now, she was swollen with the child she knew was growing inside her. What would become of her? Only yesterday she had finally broken down when the mistress of the house shouted at her for not working fast enough. She gestured to her belly and wordlessly pleaded with this woman who surely knew what depravity took place in the cold and damp attic room reached only by those very creaky stairs. The wife had instead turned coldly from the room. Bitch. Bridget thought. How happy she is to be relieved of the burden of having sex with that ape. And now, my child will be drowned, like the kittens, in the rain water barrel outside and flung into the bog. And at mass on Sunday, the squire and his martyr wife would sit proudly in the front seat while a community shut their eyes and ears and spoke of the value of saying nothing and the dignity in silence. What dignity was there for Bridget? None, none. Still, at least there were the feverish caresses of Sean to savour……”

  3. Johnny K

    I’m sure you’ll reposition tomorrow. Maybe you just drank too much the previous night.

  4. Pete

    Depends what you mean by “bad”. The vast majority of us obey the 10 commandments, even if we couldn’t actually recite them, so we should qualify for a “good” rating, not a “not sooooo vary bad”.
    Since you demand standards that are higher than God’s, perhaps you could post a list of “Sarah’s extra commandments for white males”?

  5. Sarah Post author

    LOL. I’ll work on that. A useful exercise I think. Especially if they were actually obeyed…

  6. John

    11 Thou shall not include 8 hour working day, plus 3 hours of commute, cutting the grass and cleaning gutters when considering a male workload.

    12 Thou shall not expect a sensible answer asked by a male of a female “What’s wrong”.

    13 Thou shall expect clear concise answers from males when asked by a female “Does this dress make me look fat?” Said male to be castrated immediately if answering in any other way than an absolute negative.

    14 Thou shall not confuse popping in for a coffee with socialising

    15 Thou shall ensure that in any comparison of earning versus non earning work loads that male earning related work be automatically discounted in totality.

    16 Thou shall assume guilt on the part of males unless absolutely unequivocally proven innocent, and even then retain lingering doubts.

    17 Thou shall take every opportunity to rehash old arguments where the male was at fault. Any argument where a female was at fault is forever forgotten and any attempt to use said argument proof that said male is evil

    18 Thou shall assume that the female is pure of spirit, a kind-hearted warm open and honest creature. If this is not the case it the males fault.

    19 Thou shall treat any effort by a male to indulge in housework as a half hearted effort, unworthy of consideration, obviously not of sufficient quality to be truly considered housework

    20 Thou shall never ever ever ever hold females to the same standard as males.

  7. Sarah Post author

    ow!!!
    John, this was the post where I was starting to soften up…now don’t go getting me all riled up again…

  8. Sarah Post author

    let’s see, how about
    1. Don’t go to war
    2. Don’t drive so fast and kill other people every bloody weekend
    3. Don’t get drunk and fight other guys
    4. Don’t go to strip clubs or watch porn or pay for lap dancers
    5. Don’t bitch about female colleagues who take maternity leave
    6. Don’t have affairs with your secretaries which the whole office knows about
    7. Don’t arrange corporate days out on golf tournaments
    8. Don’t expect your wife to be a cheerleader when you come home after a day at the office
    9. Don’t complain if she’s making too much noise when you are trying to watch ANOTHER important match
    10. Say thank you, all the time, to the woman you love, for putting up with you.

  9. Sarah Post author

    But just to show I am not unreasonable, here are some extra commandments for women

    1. Don’t think you are great just because you are screwing your married boss. You are not great. You are an idiot. He’s never going to leave her and certainly not for you.
    2. Don’t think you are great because you are thin and have a good tan. The tan will fade and so will your looks. What will you be left with?
    3. Don’t bitch about female colleagues on maternity leave.
    4. Don’t use the word feminist as a term of abuse
    5. Don’t endorse porn by dressing like a porn star
    6. Don’t automatically veer towards the other WAGs (wives and girlfriends) at parties. What’s with the apartheid?
    7. Don’t read stupid magazines, except at the hairdressers.
    8. Don’t judge other women. You might end up in their shoes sometime.
    9. Don’t become enraged with your husband because he can’t use the washing machine. Have you shown him how to switch it on?

    10. Say thank you, all the time, to the man you love, for putting up with you.

  10. Pete

    For women:

    11. Thou shalt use and interpret the words “Yes” and “No” in a consistent and accurate manner.

    For men:

    11. Thou shalt not apologise for being male.

  11. Sarah Post author

    hmmm, you’ll have to elaborate on the “yes and no” one…are you saying that no means yes??????????

  12. Pete

    It can be broken down into several sub-commandments:

    1. Thou shalt use the words “Yes” and “No”

    When I ask “would you like a cheese sandwich” or whatever, I need a yes or a no. I’m not that interested in the details of your decision-making process, unless in actually leads to a clear and unambiguously-communicated decision that I can act upon.

    2. Thou shalt use the words “Yes” and “No” in a consistent manner.

    I don’t care what meanings, or even sounds, are assigned to yes and no, as long as they stay the same. Always.

    3. Thou shalt use the words “Yes” and “No” in an accurate manner.

    If you do want a cheese sandwich, you will say so. If you do not want one, you will say so. Saying that you don’t want one and then crying because I don’t make you one is not acceptable.

    4. Thou shalt interpret the words “Yes” and “No” in a consistent and accurate manner.

    When I use the words yes and no, you will interpret their meanings as defined in the Oxford English Dictionary, unless we have mutually agreed (in writing) to assign different, consistent, meanings to these words. You will not ask or think “what do you mean by that?”.

  13. Sarah Post author

    oh dear…”Saying that you don’t want one and then crying because I don’t make you one is not acceptable.” Yes, but maybe you asked with the WRONG TONE OF VOICE.

    You will not ask or think “what do you mean by that?” Why on earth would you want a cheese sandwich? You know I’m making you lasagne for dinner. Don’t you want the lasagne? Do you hate my cooking? You KNOW I HATE cheese. Sob….

  14. John of Dublin

    lol. I can relate to Pete’s YES/NO message, it made me smile.

    I’ll never forget the trouble I got into in early stages dating my now wife. We were passing a Chippy place. I asked her would she like a bag of chips. “No, no, not at all”, she said. There followed a slight bit of a-la Fr. Ted go-on-go-on, but no she didn’t want any. I asked if she minded if I had some chips. “No problem”, she said.

    As I ate the chips ( I did offer to share mine) I was told I was selfish and it was typical of me being an only child.I eventually established that she HAD wanted chips and that somehow NO meant YES. I think I was supposed to be more assertive and just buy her them. I was a poor student then and it was against my logic to buy something that someone didn’t seem to want. Mmmmh. I’ve learned, but I’m still learning.

  15. John of Dublin

    Oh, btw Sarah, I was driving mid-morning and I heard and liked your radio contribution on NT 106. The bit on 1st pregnancy while still in your job environment was excellent – “…secretly not looking for a creche!”

  16. michelle

    thank goodness the person who sent me these rules does not subscribe totally, or he and I would have had no fun. On the other hand, because he subscribes to some of them is maybe the reason we are no longer together:

    1 – Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2 – It is okay for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
    a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    c. After wrecking your boss’ car.
    d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
    e. When she is using her teeth

    3 – Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
    killed.

    4 – Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
    out of jail within twelve hours.

    5 – If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
    limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

    6 – Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is
    forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7 – No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
    another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly
    forbidden.

    8 – On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
    the weakest.

    9 – When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
    ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s
    playing.

    10 – You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
    her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose
    of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

    11 – It is permissible for a man to drink a fruity alcoholic drink
    ONLY when you’re sunning on a tropical beach…AND it’s delivered by a
    topless waitress…AND it’s free.

    12 – Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
    to kick another guy in the nuts.
    13 – Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

    14 – Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed

    15 – If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see
    anything.

    16 – Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as
    spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
    drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17 – A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman, must
    remain sober enough to fight.

    18 – Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
    pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

    19 – If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking
    about his choice of beer.

    20 – Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
    yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

    21 – Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
    weights:
    a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    b. C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
    c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22 – Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
    footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
    situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
    need.

    23 – Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
    than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
    Hang up if necessary.

    24 – The morning after you and a girl, who was formerly “just a
    friend”, have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling
    weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail her again, before
    the discussion about what a big mistake it was, occurs.

    25 – It is acceptable for you to drive her car, but it is not
    acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26 – Thou shalt not buy any vehicle in the colors of brown, pink, lime
    green, orange, yellow, or sky blue.

    27 – Any female who replies to the question “What do you want for
    Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!”, gets a
    vibrator. End
    of story.

    28 – There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s
    Gymnastics. Ever.

  17. Will

    So, you didn’t approve of the way I made you ‘officially’ my ‘girlfriend’ (ref #10)?

  18. michelle

    Some other cookie – when my head is under the covers, you are NOT about to fart

  19. Will

    OMG, you’re absolutely right; I was thinking of someone else. My Bad!

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