05.07.06
Business negotiations: Ireland 2006
Scene: the car park of a suburban pub. Three men, Mick, Bill and Paddy sit in a car waiting for the contact to arrive. They are all 70+. Reasonably presentable country men. Ill-fitting sports jackets and comfortable shoes.
Mick: “How will we know him?”
Bill: “We’ll know him”
Paddy: “And he’ll know us”.
A battered 4×4 drives in.
Bill: “Here he is.”
The 4×4 identifies the prospective customers immediately and pulls up beside them. Greetings are exchanged and the 4×4 takes off again, the men in anxious pursuit. After 10 minutes and a maze of turns and roundabouts, they pull into the back yard behind a bungalow. Everyone gets out and they enter a shed where a beaten up old threshing mill lies, dusty and neglected. Paddy is in the market. Mick is his friend. Bill is the consultant who will lead negotiations. They inspect it, and Bill is unimpressed.
Bill: “How much do you want for it?”
Owner: “How much will you give me for it?”
Bill: “Not a whole lot”
Owner: “Well, if I don’t get seven and half thousand for it, it’s going to England on Thursday”.
Bill: “You’ll get that in England but you won’t get it here”
Owner: “How much will I get for it here?”
Bill: “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want it anyway”.
Owner: “If you did want it, what would you give for it?”
Bill: “Five hundred pounds” [not euros, pounds]
Owner: “Well I’ve 5 more men coming to see it today [shows list on piece of paper]. I’ll deal with them so”
Bill: [eyeing list]. “Who’s coming?” (Owner shows list)
Bill: snorts with derision when he sees a name ” Huh, well I know him and I can tell you, he won’t give you seven and half thousand either. [pause] Where’s the driving belt? I’m interested in a driving belt. ”
Owner: “It’s there”
Bill: “It’s not there”
Owner: “It’s on the top”
Bill: “Why would it be on the top?”
Owner: “It’s on the top”
Bill: “I’ll buy the driving belt”
Owner: “I’ll sell it to you so”
Bill: “How much?”
Owner: “Seven and half thousand. And I’ll throw in the Mill. You can burn it for all I care”
Bill: “It wouldn’t even burn it’s that bad. We’ve things to do and won’t waste your time any more”
Owner: “I’m in a hurry too”
Bill: “Well we’ll f*ck off so”
Owner: “Do.”
The men pile into the car and leave. They are disappointed but satisfied. They get lost and have to ask for directions back to the motorway. They don’t mind. It’s all part of the fun.
Cybez said,
May 8, 2006 at 11:04 am
If it wasn’t a “battered 4×4″ and had been a black BMW I’d have thought they could’ve been selling illegle pharmaceutical products.And…I’m wondering did I ever buy a dodgy car there