Ah well, i’m only young, i mean obviously i have no correct view

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:]

I dont wear make up and live fairly happily about 20lbs overweight. The reason for this though is not a supreme confidence in myself, its just that I realised years ago I was never going to look the way I wanted to so I gave up. Yes, it gives me a ‘kind’ of freedom but only insomuch as I stopped trying…I still have the feelings of not being attractive or slim enough. What is the point of constant plucking, painting and primping if you feel you still dont look good enough afterwards?

Sorry I am so late to this but I only just found the article. Very interesting.

The beauty myth is big business. Revlon’s big boss (can’t remember the name) is quoted as saying “We don’t sell makeup, we sell hope in a jar” or something to that effect…Clinique had to use an 11 yr old girl in their ad campaigns for a new cellulite cream to be able to truthfully say that the image hadn’t been digitally altered. For f**ks sake, women get cellulite because they’re women, same deal with stretchmarks, we all need to get over this, but we can’t, because as soon as you go “Oh, I love my body, screw the beaty routine” you’ll have some woman going “You think you have the skin for that?” or some other bitchy comment, which will make her feel better about herself. And that’s why the magazines won’t stop either…there’s a huge market of bitchy women out there who are insecure and need to have other womens ‘flaws’ pointed out in order to feel a little better about themselves.

Personally I like seeing stars with cellulite, i hold the pics up to my immature male friends, all of whom read FHM and Ralph, and go “See…Paris Hilton has cellulite and she’s a f***ing stick insect, don’t you dare write off girls you see on the street for it” (which they do. As I said, immature.) Cheers for that, ranting made me feel better

I also found Beth Bond’s comments about her father’s advice to her (to tell her own children how beautiful they were) very interesting. I’ve been told recently that as children, until the age of 7, we accept everything we are told and challenge nothing. Therefore if we are subjected to criticism at an early age, we will naturally believe it is valid. What we are not taught in schools & during adolescence is HOW to challenge the negative image that we can can subsequently build up of ourselves. This is where the problem begins and snowballs.
As we grow, so does our appetite for any information that will reinforce that negative image. We don’t have to look far really. All those mags have tonnes of stuff that will help us reaffirm that we are indeed not good enough. Some may think that you took it a step too far when you referred to the ‘clever trick’ where equal opportunities for women are undermined by their self-esteem being destroyed & their self-loathing reinforced by the media etc. Personally, I’m glad that you tell it like it is. Women need to hear the truth! They need to be made more self-aware! Intelligent women are indeed wasting their lives worrying about where they are on the style/skinny barometer. The most frustrating thing is that women often reserve their ultimate respect for women who have achieved the slim and stylish look. It seems that without those attributes, all other achievements lag behind beauty.

I suppose without tools such as the positive affirmations (which you dismissed unfairly in my opinion) and awareness through education of how the subconscious works(& ultimately leads us through life), we are as individuals powerless to change.

I love your advice on how to change now. You are dead right about spending money on more fufilling things. The media undoubtedly plague women with images and words to stifle our perception of reality. Most of the girls I know suffer from a distorted image of themselves (including myself I hate to admit). I really do wish that some of these ‘style(skinny) icons’ would speak out about the ridiculous nature of our pursuit of the ultimate body. Why do they wait until they are old and grey (&usually rounder) to speak out? Their voice is ignored by the younger generations then. They lack credibility. The ‘skinny’ celebs that are interviewed or written about today are glorified in all aspects of their lives as if being thin means that any failure in their lives is phrased pleasantly as that ‘colourful period’ or ‘interesting times’ and glossed over as if adding to their charsima. I was outraged when i read the rubbish that was written about Kate Moss when she got caught taking drugs. Clearly she suffers from her own type of self-loathing as many beautiful people do. However, the reality of this is never discussed or explored. The fact is that the media do not want to shatter that image that thin people are happy.

I’ll end here as obviously my rant is neverending.
Thank you sincerely for your article – it was priceless!

I’m with you on this – There is so much more to life and yet everywhere we turn from billboards to TV to Mags – infact anywhere the eye can reach these days, there is an ad where no-one ever thought to put one in the last 60yrs (have you seen supermarket trolleys and petrol pump TV?) – telling us how ‘worth it’ we all are! We are riding the crest of capitalist consumerism where you can have a make-over in the morning and facelift after lunch. For the right price all those things you hate about your body can magically disappear if you hire the right expert or purchase the right product. Why can’t we just accept our lovable ‘imperfections’? I know I have!

In general I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about appearance – assuming cleanliness as a given of course. Makeup, I reserve exlusively for nights out (which as a mother of 2 are few and far between) and, up until retirement last year, never wore it to work. Perhaps I am blessed with good skin – but conversely perhaps this is because I haven’t spent half my life plastering an array of unknown chemicals all over my skin….

Truth be told, I am not that bothered by the gullibility of sentient adults who can choose to cut or cleanse one week or diet and detox the next, but there is a more insidious issue here that needs airing. My son is nine and already his peers at school are using fake tan in the winter months, dying their hair and moisturising daily. Do they loathe their bodies at this age? I wouldn’t think so, but they are effortlessly being sucked into a culture of needless self-improvement, so that when they do hit adolescence and begin to think about how others see their bodies the journey from moisturiser to make-up may not be such a big deal, and then later in life when the force of gravity begins to take its toll, well who knows what remedies will be sought. And if this is what 9 year old boys are up to, god only knows what is happening in the girls’ school! The fact remains that our physical insecurities are major cash cows at the moment and until the tills stop ringing this aint gonna change!

My father said to me when I became a mother that it is very important in the psychological development of a child to repeatedly tell him/her that they are beautiful so that they are constantly reassured about their physicality. Perhaps this is why standing tall at five foot one, a little tubby around the middle and well-wrinkled around the eyes from too much squinting in the sun – I don’t obsess about the way I look. There is so much more to all our lives.

Fond rgds

BB

I suppose the column is preaching (and it was a bit preachy – not one of my favourties) to those women and saying THERE IS MORE TO LIFE.

To Ben, you got it! (altho as I say the I am anxious about the grooming -because of course my “new” life makes it more difficult to maintain it) I’ve been writing the column for over a year and I think I am running short of my own neuroses upon which to dwell. If you’ve any of your own I’d be happy to adopt them and get another few columns out of them….;-) Share, share!