12.30.05
Posted in Sunday Times Columns at 9:09 pm by Sarah
I am cheating a little bit because I started letting go of good habits in the past few months because a) I have suffered appalling ill-health and overwork and b) I knew New Year was coming and I could wait ’til then to be a good girl.
1. Do yoga at least 5 mornings a week
2. Do it in the morning when he’s downstairs with them instead of lounging in bed trying and failing to get some sleep
3. Keep off the bread – its comforting but bloating
4. See people for real instead of online
5. Say no occasionally
6. Install Spam Assassin on the blog (or persuade someone to do it for me..its very hard) – I have to delete about 100 emails from comments every day. Poker wasn’t so bad but the porn ones have moved in now.
7. Resist temptation to conceive
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12.26.05
Posted in Sunday Times Columns at 9:50 pm by Sarah
Well, we did the nativity play. It was a riot. Multi-generational family members assembled at our front gate at 4pm and belted out a tuneless but enthusiastic and upbeat version of Silent Night. The “set” had been prepared. The front and back doors and windows of my parent’s house had signs over them saying “B&B – No Vacancies”, “Inn FULL”, “Rooms €100 per night” etc. The “stable” was a corner of the hayshed. We had cows and sheep in situ and bails of hay. A roof was an old palate with branches of a fir tree over it. A really tacky flashing coloured star of David swung from the rafters. The manger was a baby bath lined with sheepskin and straw on the floor and all around. 90% of the cast members wore towels on their heads, except for the wise men who had bathrobes and coloured hats. My 2 year old refused to co-operate and screamed when the tea towel was put near his head. Sigh.
Mother narrated the rhyming story. Mary got into the go-cart and Joseph pushed her to the Front Door and knocked loudly. A REALLY cranky innkeeper (with a tea towel on his head) opened the door and shouted at them to read the sign! There was NO room. He slammed the door in their faces. As the innkeeper was my Dad, revelling in his role and the Joseph was 6, it was quite funny. Doubled up we followed the go-cart to the back door and waited while poor Joseph tried again. After a lightning costume change (different towel), Dad opened the door and indignantly refused a room. Running out of doors we ran round the front again. Another towel and even tho the 3rd innkeeper was supposed to be the nice one, the order to try the shed, was very grumpily delivered. Mary and Joseph promised to pray for him.
We set off down the yard to the shed. Mary “rested” in the hay and our Lord’s birth was duly announced. My 11month old wrapped in a sheet was laid in the manger. He was a star. Lay there for the next 10 minutes calmly receiving wise men and shepherds and only looking slightly perplexed when we belted out a racy “away in a manger”. The sheep even ba’aaed on cue. Total success and I think we’ll be repeating it. We might even rehearse next year. I think this could grow. The video was hilarious. My mascara smudged.
Christmas presents! Hurrah! He must have read my list. Well part of it anyway.
1. A cheque made out to Inchydoney for €200. Politically I hate this place. On some of their rates they quote the price, but then in small writing have a “service” charge added on. Why not just list the bloody rate? However, the place looks amazing and he will be doing a lot of work in Cork over the next few months so its a perfect opportunity.
2. A voucher for BT’s for €100. Double hurrah! New knickers! Definitely cannot wait. After the years of pregnancies and weight fluctuations, I started refurbishing some months ago, but a new injection was seriously needed. I might do very nicely in the sales.
3. Half hurrah. €20 voucher for Waterstones BUT he was trying to buy this book but it’s not due in for another few weeks. He felt it would be appropriate for me. I think it is.
So I am very happy.
In case you are wondering what I got him I should explain that despite all my orders to others, I have absolutely no idea what he likes and have bought disastrous presents in the past. Actually I’m not very good with presents at all. I always buy people things that I would love; it never occuring to me that they might not share my taste. Shirts which I thought were fab that stayed in the wardrobe for 2 years before a grudging display. Boring golf and ski things which broke. I won’t go into the one about the voucher for a colonic, which needless to say remained unused. It seemed funny at the time. ANYWAY, he loves watching TOTP2, the old Top of the Pops programmes. He’s in love with nostalgia SO I got him the DVD set of Live AID, not Live 8, the 1985. He seemed genuinely pleased with it. We didn’t start watching it yet. But I am sure we will. I know in monetary terms I did better than him but who’s counting? 
Final note, I should also like to say that during our courting years, he did get me the earrings, bracelet, necklace, dress watch, day watch and hurrah! the ring! So he doesn’t have to get those for a while.
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12.23.05
Posted in Sunday Times Columns at 12:47 pm by Sarah
They are finally made after a 3 day saga. I attempted to roll the pastry last night and it wouldn’t. I don’t know what I’d done to it but something was seriously wrong. I dumped it and started again. As I stood there crumbling butter into the flour while he relaxed in front of the telly, I thought ” What is wrong with you? BUY mince pies for God’s sake. Where does this compulsion to make one’s own come from? How did the necessity to make mince pies suddenly become so wrapped up in your identity. You are not a bad person if you buy them” Anyway, I continued in my cloud of self-doubt and despair and got them done. The leaked a bit and I didn’t roll the pastry thin enough but we’ll see. They are for serving after the nativity play. Did I explain this already?
The local school aren’t putting on a play so our friend Noleen thought we should have our own. Her 2 children and my niece and nephew will have starring roles. It is taking place in my father’s hayshed complete with actual cattle and sheep. My father is a notorious grump and therefore perfect for the role of a mean innkeeper. My baby is needless to say Jesus. The toddler is a shepherd (costume to consist of tea-towel and long shirt). My uncle who really is a shepherd will lead the party. Joseph and Mary will arrive in Bethlehem in a go-cart as while a donkey was sourced it cannot be trusted. My mother bought a really tacky Star of David thing whihch flashes in different colours. We are all set.
Anyway, china is out and washed and ready. Crystal all out and washed. Silver doesn’t need to be as was used recently. I am short nice vegetable dishes. I have Nicholas Mosse but that’s not nice enough for Christmas. I’ll have to send up the road for some (mother’s) and then buy in the sales.
We’ve never had prawn cocktail before so I am serving it this year even tho its supposed to kitch. Paddy says its ok once its not served in a wine glass and the prawns are not frozen. Well they are in the freezer so that’s that but I’ll serve them on a plate. I will only be half kitch.
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12.21.05
Posted in Sunday Times Columns at 9:15 pm by Sarah
I had cause to wonder today what a male friend was buying his girlfriend. Then I began to reflect on what christmas presents mean to women. Jewellery is the only proper symbol of love and commitment. If he’s not getting you jewellery, I’d be worried. Within that catergory there is a hierarchy. In descending order it is:
1. The Ring
2. Necklace
3. Earrings
4. Bracelet
5. Watch
The earrings and bracelet can compete with the necklace if they are very precious. The watch MUST be a dress watch. A day watch is too close to utilitarian for comfort.
On other items:
Underwear very rarely acceptable. It can work if it is finest silk and consists of a beautiful camisole or something. Anything else, and you are in very dangerous territory
Perfume – to a friend maybe, but never a girlfriend – very trivial
Appliances – this means you really do want to break up with her and you are hoping she’ll do it for you
Spa trip – fabulous for wife but for girlfriend that might mean you want her to do herself up…not a good message
Coat – not bad if it is a fabulous coat, like real fur or something
Personally guys, I’d stick to the jewellry. And it should be gold. Don’t get some arty crap that won’t go with anything. Obviously diamonds if you can afford it. All women, even if they try to be cool and different, are suckers for diamonds. Ah, a diamond bracelet and matching earrings. That’s my fantasy present. Go on guys..start saving!
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12.19.05
Posted in Sunday Times Columns at 7:40 pm by Sarah
well, here’s one for my perfect readers.
For those who have digital television: How is one supposed to child proof the Sky box? You can’t put it in a closed TV cabinet because then the remote won’t work. The box sits under the telly where little people have easy access. We have turned the house upside down and can’t find the bloody card. No telly! Crisis. Not so much now, but at 7am tomorrow when we want them hypnotised into giving us an extra few minutes in bed. Aaaaagh.
Update: 12 hours laters..found it! In a drawer hidden in the cling film box. Toddler looked blank when accused.
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12.18.05
Posted in Domestic/Relationships at 5:00 pm by Sarah
A quick word about Denis. The poor fella. He looked absolutely terrified. And some of Adams’s euphemisms were a bit scary weren’t they? Donaldson was “interviewed” at Sinn Fein headquarters and “advised” to get a solicitor. That was some interview I’d say.
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Posted in Sunday Times Columns at 4:58 pm by Sarah
At last a triumph. Past readers will recall my previous problems. I was most grateful to the commenters who observed that I was beating the mixture for far too long. I tried a number of variations and here is what got the best results:
1. Cream butter and sugar until white
2. Add lightly beaten eggs and sifted self-raising flour and baking powder all together. This reduces risk of curdling which happened when I tried to add the eggs separately.
3. Beat this in at lowest setting on food processor
4. Stop as soon as it drops off a wooden spoon with two taps. ( I erred on the side of not being beaten enough)
5. Previously I had used 4,4,4 and 2 eggs but I upped it to 6,6,6, and 3 eggs. I still used 2 x 7inch tins.
I must say, I cannot believe what a totally different species has resulted. It’s not just a question of rising. It is an absolutely luscious cake with a completely different soft texture. Hurrah! My mother assures me there will still be the occasional failure..but still…
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Posted in Domestic/Relationships at 12:05 pm by Sarah
My heart went out to Michael McDowell last week: finding yourself in a dung heap entirely of one’s own creation is a most unpleasant experience. I know, because I landed myself in exactly the same predicament a couple of years ago.
Like McDowell, I leaked a confidential document to a newspaper. Like the justice minister, I believed the public had a right to the facts. So in 2003 I handed over a copy of a letter McDowell had sent to Esat’s Denis O’Brien, my former boss, thanking him for a IR£15,000 donation to the Progressive Democrats.
“Dear Denis,†McDowell wrote, “I will drink a toast to your health this Christmas!â€Â
The PDs’ commitment to the public’s right-to-know mustn’t have been fully evolved at that time. Someone complained to Justice Moriarty about the leak from his tribunal. The chairman was extremely unhappy and gave me a right telling off. I may still have to pay my own legal costs and even some of the tribunal’s costs. Given that my financial resources amount to a mortgage and an overdraft, this would not be good news.
Initially I was outraged at McDowell’s action in leaking Frank Connolly’s passport application. (Oh all right then, alleged passport application.) But then I saw the hypocrisy of my position.
I leaked the McDowell letter, along with a list of donations O’Brien made to Fianna Fail, because I was frustrated. By the time it completes its inquiry, the Moriarty tribunal will have spent €100m on what most commentators now believe is a wild goose chase. (Well, minus the few quid they may take off me).
The more they spend, the more they have to find a smoking gun. But the smoking gun is proving elusive, just like the missing WMDs in Iraq. Meanwhile, O’Brien’s reputation has been damaged.
In the course of the Moriarty inquiry it had emerged that O’Brien gave £4,000 (€5,900) to a Fine Gael golf classic and £5,000 to a Fine Gael by-election fund. In my former life as a marketing executive with Esat, O’Brien’s company, I was called before the tribunal to testify about these donations. None of the money went anywhere near Michael Lowry, the minister in charge of the government department that awarded the mobile phone contract to Esat. For the record, I passed Lowry once in a corridor at a press conference.
My testimony about the donations must have cost the taxpayer about €25,000. My salary with Esat in 1995 was £13,000 per year. If I have to pay €25,000 back to the tribunal, it’ll have been a pretty expensive job. I didn’t even have the luxury of stock options.
As a member of Fine Gael, I was deeply frustrated that the only payments from O’Brien to politicians being referred to by the tribunal were those he made to Fine Gael. It seemed unfair that a big deal was being made about relatively modest amounts to my political party. I wanted it known that O’Brien had made donations to both Fianna Fail and the Progressive Democrats. The tribunal was investigating payments to politicians — but only a couple of politicians who had been selected for investigation.
The information I leaked concerned a transaction that was both legal and ethical. O’Brien was entitled to give money to the PDs, and they were entitled to take it. So why was McDowell’s party so outraged about this information becoming public? When they got the money in 1994, they weren’t in power. So they suffered nothing by the disclosure. Frank Connolly, on the other hand, has been destroyed.
With few exceptions the media reckons McDowell acted correctly in leaking the passport application. Connolly the investigator was open to investigation. He published leaked documents about others, so was fair game himself.
In the past he published tribunal statements including one particularly wild allegation that turned out to be false. He published a story claiming a different Denis O’Brien gave money to the taoiseach. He hadn’t; Bertie Ahern sued and won. The taoiseach won’t have shed tears when Connolly fell, a victim of his own game.
If Connolly has been defeated in a game played on his terms, then it is a tad hypocritical for him to complain. But if McDowell has decided that leaking is the proper action of a minister for justice, then surely it can also be a proper action for a private citizen, such as myself.
McDowell seems to think that leaking is fine so long as he gets to choose what is leaked. A silly little girl like me with an IQ a fraction of the justice minister’s has no such right.
It’s a shame really, because reading his speech in the Dail last week, I could relate to every word. The agenda of the leaker is indeed just as important as the leak itself. And it’s not fair when the judicial system acts to conceal information that people need to know.
On Tuesday, McDowell told the Dail that his fellow deputies “should perhaps pause before condemning those among their colleagues who genuinely sought to educate public opinion in the manner envisaged for a free press by our constitutionâ€Â. I merely sought to educate public opinion about exactly who was getting what money.
McDowell seems to have gotten away with it. Will I?
note: The editorial and legal staff at the ST deserve special mention for chopping up my original copy and stitching it back together minus the landmines I had lain which would have exploded in my face. Thanks….
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12.17.05
Posted in Uncategorized at 10:19 pm by Sarah
Well it takes the odd knock but I have just spent a very exciting evening flicking between Strictly Come Dancing and The X factor. The sisters were out and needed to keep in touch with the final. I texted details as the 3rd places in each were announced. Then we did live calls for the winning announcements. It was great fun.
On the X factor, I was up for Andy but had to acknowledge that Shayne did pull it off in the end. As I heard each sing the song that would be released I thought hey! that would soooooooooo win the Eurovision. Can we get those writers? C’mon RTE, lets get the Brit pop crowd to write us a decent bloody song!
I was glad to see Zoe go in SCD. She had no finesse. That Darren man did lose a lot of weight with all the dancing. I have no idea who either he or Colin are. Something to do with sports I think.
The best bit SCD tho was Bruce Forsyth do a routine while they were counting the votes. He can’t sing, he can’t dance, he looks terrible, but he has come a long way, hasn’t he? Good man, Bruce.
Both programmes were presented by utterly forgettable blondes. I see now why Davina is so important to Big Brother. You can look really stupid on those shows.
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12.14.05
Posted in Domestic/Relationships at 10:44 am by Sarah
Dave said “It’ll all be forgotten in a week and the media will be gutted because they’ll have failed in their attempt to get McDowell removed.”
I decided that Dave is half right. This will all be forgotten in a week. But not because “the media” have failed. I woke up this morning and realised that the storm has passed. The IT puts the story back on the front page, headlining McDowell’s claim that the CPI would have been used to undermine the state. RTE have pushed it way down their stories. Irish Ferries will lead for today (and the ending of the strike is great news). The only person who kept chasing it was Eamon Dunphy who did a second special programme on it this morning on Newstalk. As per yesterday he only diverted from this story to discuss Roy Keane. From all other media outlets and politicians a consensus has emerged. Connolly is guilty. Stuff him.
But isn’t it interesting that Ivor Callely had to go because he couldn’t keep a secretary and over 10 years ago a company did £1500 worth of painting for him? The Minister for Justice leaks garda documents on a political enemy and he gets away with it. If the Minister is so convinced he had a right to let the people know then why didn’t he stand up in the Dail and say it instead of leaking it and then providing the information in a written answer so the Ceann Comhairle couldn’t intervene. He’s the eminent barrister, I am sure he could have argued his case with that doddery fool O’Hanlon.
Well, if everyone thinks that what McDowell did was kosher, name and shame a guy when you haven’t enough evidence to charge him, well then let’s go with it. The cops are convinced they have their suspect in the Rachel O’Reilly case, but damnit, they just can’t prove it. Let’s give that file to the Evening Herald. I’m sure there are plenty more cases of unprovably guilty people whose lives we’d love to ruin. I can’t wait till I’m Minister. I’ll spend the first month leafing through the files and faxing out titbits to my former colleagues in the Sunday Times. We’ll have a great name and shame party.
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